Life on the Edge

I've been in hiding. Solitary walks on frosty mornings have been the order of the day. Driving back late at night from the Dawn to Dusk Vigil at Parliament House a week ago, I could sense that my whole self was moving into shutdown mode. The previous month of totally throwing myself into the public arena, making myself available to the media, articulating the motivation and reasons for the vigil and holding the vision of its success daily, ended up exhausting me despite the best of physical and spiritual preparations. The vigil itself, no matter what its outcome, was going to take its toll. (Its success was in things unseen, its lack of success was in things thought to be seen.) The aftermath was that I was going to need some very private personal healing. I crawled into the cave of my home and refused to enter into any semblance of public engagement.

For five straight days, outside of tending to the Peace Fire and having my daily surf, I cherished the privacy of staying indoors and carving a little piece of myrtle wood to hold some sea shells, a seed and a sea horse. No music. No radio. No TV. Just hour after hour of contemplative rest. Slowly, with each tiny shaving of wood, I recharged the body, soothed the soul and nurtured the self. There was little desire to phone anyone, read the newspapers or go on line and deal with e-mails. There was no desire, whatsoever, to communicate with the general public.

Today, however, around fifteen university students of various departments came to Windgrove as part of an interdisciplinary course on the environment and the arts. I crawled out from underneath my self imposed shell and was refreshed by their freshness and collective desire to contribute, each in their own way, to the betterment of the world. We walked, we talked (well, mostly I did). We enjoyed the beauty that was in the day and the beauty (and necessity) of each other's company and support. Such open hearts. Such youthful exuberance to do right.

As they drove off I felt a new commitment to engage the public once again and, during the cycle of my life, do what I could to bring a more peaceful world into being. My only regret in the day came later as I wiped something off my cheek. I realised too late that I should have shaved.